My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
