is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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