Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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