If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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