Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
