Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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