Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
