I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
