New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize