We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
