Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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