i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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