Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
