My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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