I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I could fuck to npr.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
