If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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