jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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