I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
