It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize