i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize