Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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