All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
