you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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