I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
