You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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