You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
