Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
