you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
