so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
