do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
