He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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