so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize