I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
