How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found puke in my bra..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Holy shit dude........stairs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
