wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
