At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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