He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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