I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
