You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize