He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
