i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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