Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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