She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
