I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
