A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
