I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
