ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
