3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We don't watch enough power rangers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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