My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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