Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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