They should really pass out barf bags in church
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
