im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
