I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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