I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
