3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
