Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
