put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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