you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
