I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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