i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
