lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
