this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
