i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Buhtt sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
