Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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