gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
