there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
