I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
