Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
