Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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