My first STD was from a foam party
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
